- Interview with Miss Shen Junyu, training consultant at the Hong Kong Jockey Club Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention

A spate of student suicides in recent months has been seen as unfortunate and regrettable. So how can parents identify if their children show suicidal tendencies at an early stage? And how should they take the appropriate measures to prevent a tragedy in the making? Miss Shen Junyu, training consultant at the Hong Kong Jockey Club Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention noted that modern day parents have very high expectations for their children. The various extra-curricular activities on top of existing workloads is stifling for the children; if parents often compare their children’s grades with others then the burden of pressure becomes even heavier. Parents should encourage their children often without making constant comparisons to other children, and allow children to enjoy suitable breaks and play time to relief the pressure. However, if the child displays the following symptoms in their everyday life , parents should pay more attention and manage the issue as soon as possible:

1 ) dramatic change(s) in personality – for example, a child who is usually cheerful but becomes quietsuddenly, show disinterest in everything, or even have nightmares ;

2 ) regular physical discomfort – if a child starts feeling unwell when they return to school, such as vomiting or experiencing headaches or stomach pain when attending classes; these may be precursors to ensuing anxiety disorders. 

3 ) self-harm – forms of self-mutilation such as marking their hands with a knife or harming themselves with sharp instruments.

4 ) suicide – the mentioning of suicide on a regular basis, or even suicide attempts.

Ms. Shen pointed out that if children display any of the above symptoms then parents should immediately contact the school social worker, who can help parents to understand the situation of their children at school, consult with them on how to deal with the situation and whether they need to be referred to other specialist counseling agencies. In addition, if the situation is serious, as in the case of self-harm and even attempted suicide, parents should immediately call the SWD hotline on 2343 2255, and the Department will arrange for social workers to follow up on the case and to understand the situation.

However, parents can take the following measures for the four scenarios described above:

1 ) If the temperament of your children changes dramatically, parents should first stay calm and ask why the children are unhappy, and if there are any unresolved problems? Children of younger age, such as those in first or second grade may not know how to express their emotions, so parents can add in their question some words to express emotions like unhappy, angry, worried, or difficult, etc. However, some parents believe that the frequent mentioning of these words may increase a child’s negative emotions, "If adults don’t mention it then the children won’t feel it." In spite of this, Miss. Shen believes that children do feel these emotions, and without the appropriate counseling, it can lead to serious conditions. Parents can also take their children to game-based therapy. In general,children are able open up about their feelings during these types of therapies, and benefits greatly in alleviating their emotional burden

2 ) If the child experiences physical comfort as soon as they are at school, they are likely to be suffering from anxiety disorder that has developed into a serious manifestation that the parents cannot afford to ignore. Although anxiety disorders are not equivalent to suicidal tendencies, according to the study at the research institute, the three most significant sources of stress in children in order of ranking are: 1) academic studies 2) psychosis 3) family life. So if a child suffers from an anxiety disorder, parents should seek for early treatment, and should immediately contact the school to discuss how to handle and reduce sources of stress for these children.

3 ) If the student displays self-harm tendencies, in addition to contacting the school social worker, parents should also immediately contact the Department because serious cases can lead to life-threatening situations, sometimes requiring hospital attention and 24 hour suicide watch to prevent tragedies from taking place. Of course, parents should also tell children that self-harm is not a solution to the problem. The pain may distract them temporarily from the sadness, but it is definitely not the right approach to resolving the issue.

4 ) Children who often talk about suicide may not necessarily have real intentions to carry it out since it is very possible that they are looking for an excuse to avoid homework or scolding from parents. Nevertheless, the situation needs to be treated with care, and parents should pay attention to whether their children often mention the topic, and find out if there are detailed plans created. If the child has a thorough plan, and has already made attempts in the past, parents should contact the Department and find out if there is a need for crisis management.

Prevention is better than cure, and Miss. Shen listed the following actions that parents should carry out on a regular basis to build correct values and a positive outlook on life, thus preventing any suicidal thoughts.

1 ) Parents should not avoid news items relating to student suicide in the newspaper or on television, instead they should discuss the topic with their children. Is suicide correct? Will it be able to solve the problem? What will be the reaction of the parents? Use this opportunity to establish the correct outlook on life.

2 ) Helping children develop interest in positive activities such as sports, reading, arts, etc. Miss Shen indicates that having these interests is very helpful for children building a positive outlook on life. She says that many students with emotional issues are disinterested with what is happening around them. If there are positive activities that can serve as an outlet for their negative emotions then there will be great benefits for them both physically and mentally.

3) The practical implementation of a behavior-based incentive scheme. Children experience pressure largely due to their inability to solve problems with their school work, leading to constant scolding from parents and teachers that leave them physically and mentally exhausted. Parents can set out a plan to help their children solve the problem, and follow through with incentive schemes as well as constant encourage to allow students to regain self-confidence. Shen suggested the following guidelines when designing a behavior-based incentive scheme:

1 ) clearly identify the problem - parents can first ask children what they feel is the most difficult subject, then determine a plan based on the specifics of the subject. For example with English, do they find pronunciation or spelling difficult? After clarifying the issues, for example spelling, create an incentive scheme by setting a rule that they will receive a star if they spell five words every day, and once they collect five stars they will receive a small gift. Keep in mind that the goal of the scheme is to increase the student’s self-confidence and help them gradually solve the problem, so schemes with a high degree of difficulty must be avoided. So if your plan for spelling includes only ten-letter word then you are simply adding to their stress.

2 ) Discuss problem-solving methods – discuss ways to solve problems together with the children, so if a child dislikes spelling, then is it possible to use spelling games or colored magnets on a whiteboard to make spelling words for more fun? Let the children think about ways to solve the problem

3 ) Performance evaluation – after setting the plan, it is important to follow through and not give up halfway. Also constantly evaluate the children’s performance, and remind them to stick to the plan, keeping in mind to encourage more and criticize less so as to not reduce the children’s desire to learn.

4 ) Assessment method – is the plan that has been set effective? Are there any areas for improvement? Can other methods be trialed? Parents must be patient when discussing a plan with their children that they are willing to follow, not force them into one. Each step of progress made by the child does not come easily, so parents will need to observe their children’s performance closely to provide encouragementand positive reinforcement constantly. 

Miss Shen pointed out that "more care, better attention and more encouragement" is the key to improving the physical and mental well-being of children, as well as building their self-confidence. Her advice to parents is not to become “tiger parents” and blindly enforce progress, thus subjecting children to unnecessarily physical and emotional stress.